pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's like iHOP with fire
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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