I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
