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• (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"

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• (253): View more from Washington

  First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees

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• (406): View more from Montana

  The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.

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