I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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