if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
