i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
