i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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