How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
