I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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