$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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