I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
