Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
