Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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