I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
barbara walters just said penis...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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