sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
