Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
