did you get engaged???
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
