Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
