I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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