He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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