Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
