OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he fucked my hip out of place.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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