oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
