She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
