1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
