he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
