Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
