Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
