Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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