We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
