her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
