i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
