Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
