Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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