I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
