i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
