Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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