genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
