so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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