I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize