Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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