i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
