Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
