he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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