There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
