he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
