i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
