yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
