My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
