I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize