Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
where are my eyebrows?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
