ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
