I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
