Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize