So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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