smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize