You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
