Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
