I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
