Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
