I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
