my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
