I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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