she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
True college students do jello shots in the library
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
