The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
