Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize