there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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