new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize