You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
