You're completely useless in the revolution.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
