dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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