Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
