just come out here and I will go home with you...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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