we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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