You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
